September 2011
13 posts
As I lay down to sleep, my bedroom is full of the ghosts of the past. There’s enough of them that I’m pretty sure there’s a line at the door for the lesser demons.
No wonder I can’t sleep until almost sun-up.
1 tag
Just had my first flashback dream, being laid into by my ex and his friend. I didn’t think it’d happen here. But, legally, he did get dangerously close to sexually abusing me. I thought it was over. It’s only just begun.
"Are You Dating a Loser? Identifying Losers,... →
4 tags
This relationship is abusive in so many different ways. I’m dating a psychotic narcissist, so what can I expect? Things will only get worse, but what can I do? I’ve been denied access to public housing, the market has squeezed me out, and no one wants to date an unemployed butch trans woman who lives with her parents. So I push on. Chances are I’ll get abused wherever I go....
3 tags
Resolutions:
I will not help anyone who would not do the same for me
I will not help anyone who will not help themselves*
I will not have the back of anyone who does not have mine
I will train my body and mind to handle any threat
The world is a horrible dark place. I will be ready for it.
In other words: they’ve all finally won. My partner included. I will be the dark I see out...
FAAB, MAAB, CAMAB, FAMAB and Intersex Erasure
intersexunicorn:
It’s been a terrible erasure of intersex identities with these labels.
First, ‘assigned.’ This is (*was*) a word for intersex children. A child was born ambiguous and was assigned a sex with scalpels and sutures. ‘Assigned’ is a verb, meaning something physical happened. Someone did something physical to you.
Second, ‘coercively assigned.’ So at birth you popped out of...
3 tags
Found out recently a cis woman who waived around the idea of knowing trans women doesn’t qualify as an ally (for those who use the term - I’m undecided on it), despite speaking as if otherwise. When you get attacked by bigotry, publicly at that, your friends and allies are the ones who jump to your defence. This woman, well, doesn’t seem to bother her that it happened. Me (to...
3 tags
Relationship chaos post with mentions of abuse. Just thought I’d warn you, if you need to skip it or just don’t want to hear anything negative right now.
And… now I’m forced into a butch role. It’s a survival thing. My danger level has been raised by his (“he” is his preferred pronoun) inaction. Then, on top of that, he proves he doesn’t have my...
I think my previous post just got spread to fake blogs with fake text…
4 tags
I’m having trouble posting here as much and as clearly as I’d like. I’m in the process of coming to terms with the masculine aspects of myself. I keep snapping back into the feminine space that I’m used to trying to occupy. A pre-transition coping mechanism, I guess (present feminine to distance from the male-assignment). So now I’m maybe masculine feeling 60-70% of...
1 tag
Some thoughts on being butch -
I do not wear makeup, even though my collection would suit my needs if I did
I have only worn a dress out of the house once, even though I own three
I started growing my hair long at eighteen, but cut it short after a year on hormones
My femininity comes out in attraction, when trying to pick up, and sometimes when feeling submissive and in the mood. Otherwise, I...
2 tags
intro post
Newly butch identifying - currently calling it “girly butch”. I have my “feminine” moments, but they may just be about breaking down the female socialisation (yes, male assigned at birth trans people go through that socialisation too).
MAAB (NOT “male bodied”) trans woman
Kinky (running the spectrum, but primarily a sadomasochist with D&S tendencies)
...
3 tags
I’ve spent days looking for this. butchlab.com seems to have shut down, so I’ve been hunting for a cached version of their Tobi Hill-Meyer interview. Being a trans woman myself who has just exploring a butch identity, Tobi has been one of the few people I can find who’s identity I can relate to in that way.
So, here’s what I found. It’s not very long, but, at this...
