Moving from dysphoria to euphroia

Found out recently a cis woman who waived around the idea of knowing trans women doesn’t qualify as an ally (for those who use the term - I’m undecided on it), despite speaking as if otherwise. When you get attacked by bigotry, publicly at that, your friends and allies are the ones who jump to your defence. This woman, well, doesn’t seem to bother her that it happened. Me (to make a comparison to areas of privilege I have), if a friend (or almost any person, actually) was getting grief for not being white, for being a gay man, for being a sex worker, I’d dive in (if appropriate to the person being targeted). If the target of that grief wasn’t satisfied with conclusion, I’d sever any ties I had with the bigot. Way I see it, if I didn’t, I’d be a bad friend and bad ally. This cis woman and the cis woman bigot, still friends.

Well, I’d sever ties with the bigot’s friend, but, well, she’s my partner’s play partner. I’m still waiting to see whether my partner and I can talk things out, or if I have to choose this woman will be a huge fixture, in the way of us. As it stands, when she comes over, I have to wait until she leaves of her own accord. Right now, I’m sitting in the spare room because I don’t want to sit on the bed during a whole heap of squirming, groaning, and this thorn in my side touching and talking to my partner.

Another bad choice on my part. The second time, for the sake of trying to keep a good relationship going, I’ve agreed to some open situation which has been used as a carte blanche agreement with no further need for communication. I’m still wondering whether this relationship is salvagable. Because I’m not hiding out any more while my partner and a woman I currently dislike (and who resents me for my romantic and sexual relationship with him) have seemingly limitless time together. A little bit, fine, I agreed to that. But hell, he’s not physically or romantically attracted to her, and there’s quite literally nothing she does for him that I can’t.